Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
