His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
do nipples grow back?
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