and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
