He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
