I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
