How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
