I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
