Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
