Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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