He kissed a someone with a penis
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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