Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
