i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
