I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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