what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
