I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
