Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
