Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
