remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
