sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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