We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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