Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
