my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
