Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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