8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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