your thong is hanging out like whoa
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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