Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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