Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
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