the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
