obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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