fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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