dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
