you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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