Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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