8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
