I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
