So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
