wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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