to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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