margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
