I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
