I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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