oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
