who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
