i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
