I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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