i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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