kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
