How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
