I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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