I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
