drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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